Kyrgyz food is meaty and delicious. Nomads living high on mountaintops could not plant farms, due to the rocky soil, thin air and long winters. Like so many other high altitude dwellers of the world, they turned to grazing animals and eating them. Traditionally, no part of the animal was ever discarded. Kyrgyz believe the hooves, eyes, tongue, and other chewy unmentionables are all part of nature’s circular continuum. Protein is a terrible thing to waste.

Beshbarmak

One of the most popular Kyrgyz dishes is Beshbarmak, which translates to “five-fingers", meaning you eat with your long claw, not a fork or chop sticks. A lamb is slaughtered, hacked up in every imaginable way from snout to hoof, then thrown into a pot and boiled. Jigsaw would be proud. Lastly, hot sauce with the consistency of bullion is poured over the steaming pile of grey meat. Sometimes onions and noodles are mixed in as well. During an extended family feast, older men get the choicest cuts, followed by young men, women, and lastly children. Kyrgyz society is highly patriarchal, especially in the south.

Shashlik

If you like meat on a stick, you will love shashlik. Though not exclusively Kyrgyz, rather belonging to all Turkic people in general, it is sold on almost every Bishkek street corner. Flavors include Beef, Lamb and Pork. The latter was introduced for the tastes of a sizable Russian community. Meat is tenderized in a broth of lemon juice and spices. Cheap imitations use vinegar. Every family has its own proprietary blend, so no shashlik is entirely alike. You’ll often find a cube of white fat amongst your hunks of meat. Lard is not thrown away because it is delicious. Nothing is tastier on a –20F winter day than a hunk of beef tallow, seared with a brown crust and juicy inside.

Big Mac

“Resistance is futile. Negotiation is irrelevant. Your culture will adapt to service us. You will be assimilated.” -Locutus of Borg

If you live in Bishkek, are tired of boiled lamb meat, and yearn for high-pressure-steamed beef patties… Then suffer in silence.

The Kyrgyz people valiantly resisted McDonald’s attempts to establish a pair of golden arches in their country. Bishkek is one of a handful of world capitals where you cannot buy a Big Mac.

Bishkek Burgers

Most kebob/shwarma kiosks offer what vaguely resembles an American hamburger - what I deem the "Bishkek Burger". Iceberg lettuce is substituted with raw cabbage and dill pickles are replaced with unpeeled cucumbers. During the summer months you get a soggy tomato slice and the occasional horsefly. Bishkek burger meat is no more mysterious than what leaves your average Midwestern meat packing facility. Bun quality varies depending on how long ago they were baked.

Bishkek burgers are so thoroughly drenched in oil that just one packs 1000 calories - the average human's basil metabolic requirement. Mountain trekkers can often be seen sliding a Bishkek burger into each of their pockets as cheap fuel for extended Tian-Shan journeys. In a pinch some have been known to eat their flashy purple, grease soaked Gore-Tex jump suits.